


Don't Need No Stinking Security Clearance

by kho



Series: MIT Verse [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, M/M, Multi, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:07:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story told entirely in emails. this is totally self-indulgent, and I swear to God? Canon. I swear it is. Tony and Rodney totally were the boy prodigies at MIT or wherever the hell, and they totally use to do it like rabbits. I'm just sayin'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Need No Stinking Security Clearance

**[ Don't Need No Stinkin' Security Clearance ]**  
by kHo

 **To:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** ferrumvir@inurcomputerstalkinurgalaxy.com  
**Subject:** Ha.

Thought I couldn’t find you huh? Really should check on these things, McKay.

We need to talk.

 

* * *

 

 **To:** tstark@starkindustries.com  
**From:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Re: Ha

Not so much thought you couldn’t find me as haven’t thought of you at all.

About?

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** ferrumvir@itscalledstealthmckay.com  
**Subject:** shhhh

I know I’m not the pinnacle of keeping it under one’s hat, per say, but really, to my work email? Bravo for you knowing it was me, but that was a foregone conclusion (not because you’re that smart, but because I wasn’t hiding it that well). If you want these interchanges kept top secret and unhackable, you’ll just hit the reply button.

See me and find out.

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** ferrumvir@shutthefuckup.com  
**From:** rmckay@smarterthanyou.com  
**Subject:** I can do it too

Don’t really care if they’re kept top secret. Not planning on multiple interchanges with you.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@inyourdreams.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@epluribusunimmyass.com  
**Subject:** we’ll play it your way

As you know, I am… what are they calling me? Sexy Beast? No, that wasn’t it. Fury of the Skies? No. The Second Coming of Christ? No no no. Ah yes. Iron Man.

And here’s what I want. I want your little ship’s cloaking technology and as loathe as I am to admit it, JARVIS is great but he can’t seem to track the way your mind works and alas, I am forced to admit that I may require your help integrating it into the suit.

See to it, will you? America can’t wait for your sorry ass to decide whether or not you forgive me for surpassing you.

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** ferrumvir@flashoversubstanceanyday.com  
**From:** rmckay@theopposite.com  
**Subject:** Surpassing me? Ha!

I was YOUR tutor, remember? Mr. Flunking Thermodynamics. I hear your suit froze the first time you took it up in orbit… hmmmm. Wonder if thermodynamics had any play in that?

And the flaming red suit? Really? Could you be more intolerable?

As for cloaking? No. Just no.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@youknowyoumissedme.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@tiredofmakingupnames.com  
**Subject:** Please.

I was not flunking, I was simply uninterested. And you didn’t tutor me so much as berate me until I paid enough attention to pass the class to get you to shut up.

And fine. You wanna play dirty? You’re gonna regret that.

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** tstark@starkindustries.com  
**Subject:** Greetings from Planet Tony

Hello Lt. Col. Sheppard. You don’t know me but I’m certain you know of me. Has Rodney told you of our exploits in the younger years of our lives at school? He tutored me in thermodynamics, I tutored him in the ways of self-pleasure (drinking, drugs, rock n roll, & women). Well. Attempted to. He never did listen very well. He’s always been very uptight.

You must be asking yourself why I am emailing you. Being that you’re Air Force I thought I would bank on the fact that since 1. I wear a suit in which I have allowed myself to take flight, shoot at and eliminate the enemy, and come home in time for a nightcap and any choice of woman I want, that 2. you, as a fellow ardent fan of comic books, would find that cool, 3. as a member of the armed forces that likes flying things that break the sound barrier, would find that, again, cool and 4. that were I to offer you an opportunity to take flight in said suit yourself, at any future date of your choosing, you might be amenable to helping me recruit your dear Dr. McKay’s not inconsiderable brain to help me better serve and protect our common home: Not just America, but Earth herself.

Sound good? Excellent.

Sincerely,  
Tony Stark

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** FW: ????!!!!

RODNEY IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?

GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!

Also, um… how does he know about us, our emails, our friendship, my comic book thing, and what does he want you to do?

JS

>> **To:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
>> **From:** tstark@starkindustries.com  
>> **Subject:** Greetings from Planet Tony  
>>  
>>Hello Lt. Col. Sheppard. You don’t know me but I’m certain  
>>you know of me. Has Rodney told you of our exploits in the  
>>younger years of our lives at school? He tutored me in  
>>thermodynamics, I tutored him in the ways of self-pleasure  
>>(drinking, drugs, rock n roll, & women). Well. Attempted to.  
>>He never did listen very well. He’s always been very uptight.  
>>  
(message truncated, click to view rest of text)

 

* * *

 

 **To:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Re: FW: ???!!!  <\- seriously?

Oh my god, you’re drooling so loudly I can HEAR YOU.

And the answer to how does he know: He’s Tony Stark. That’s the answer to most questions about him. Such as; why is he so insufferable, why is his iq possibly even higher than mine and yet he only has a masters degree in engineering, why do women have spontaneous orgasms at the mere sight of him (yes, even BEFORE he was Iron Man), how can he have done every drug known to man kind and still retain the ability to speak much less think? He’s Tony fucking Stark. Learn to accept that.

He wants to integrate the jumpers’ cloaking tech into his suit. The thing is, I’m positive the American Military will decidedly NOT sanction that. Being that I work with/for/around them, I’m not really relishing in the idea of giving them that obvious of a “fuck you.”

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Re: FW: ???!!!  <\- seriously?

No, the military won’t, because he could turn around and use it against our own defenses. It’s not a question of whether or not the military would want him to have it though is it? It’s a question of do you trust him to not fuck us with it? Because both you and him are smart enough to do it without it coming back to you, and he doesn’t give a shit what they like if he’s really like what he comes across in the interviews.

Also, McKay? I really, really, really want to take that suit up!

JS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Re: FW: ???!!!  <\- seriously?

His patriotism is about the only honest thing about Tony Stark. And he’ll probably do it anyway, so I might as well make sure he does it right the first time.

Like that was even a question, Sheppard.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** headasshole@assholesunited.org; fanboy@geeksinhiding.com  
**From:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Fine.

Fine, to the both of you. Fine.

That was low, Stark, even for you.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** ha

Hey that’s really cool how you change the email addresses like that but they still come to us. You should teach me that so I can email teyla @ bantosbabe@chixwithstix.com.

Am I headasshole or fanboy?

JS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov  
**From:** rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov  
**Subject:** Re: ha

Go ahead, I set it up so that would direct to her. (Though I doubt she’ll notice).

And while you may be an asshole, Tony surpasses you as one by about a million, so no, you’re not Head Asshole.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@withoutyouimnothing.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**Subject:** looking forward to your visit

I expected it to work but not this quickly. I suspected he would hound you and annoy you until you caved, but I didn’t realized what I was really dealing with.

I’m curious, McKay. Tell me, does Sheppard know you’re in love with him? And what of your pretty doctor lady, does she? Messy messy messy, McKay. It figures that now, 20 years after the fact, you’re playing loose and dirty, just like I taught you to.

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** ferrumvir@stopemailingme.com  
**From:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit

No. Just no. And shut up.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit.

I think we’ve redirected the email addresses enough that in forty years they’ll still never be able to track us. Let’s just keep these email addresses.

Sorry, Rodney. You always did have terrible luck. Keller is a looker though, so don’t be too down. (By the way, nice job taking that hack Tunney down, if you hadn’t I would have had to).

And if it’s the company of men you’re looking for, well. I am not adverse to picking back up where we left off. It’s nice to relive the mistakes of our youth sometimes.

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**From:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit

Oh god, shut up, shut up, shut up.

And no.

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit.

Anytime, old friend.

Bring Sheppard when you come. And then, perhaps, I’ll figure out a way for you to make HIM come. (Though, my suit may be enough).

TS

 

* * *

 

 **To:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**From:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit

Oh my god!

Shut! Up!

RM

 

* * *

 

 **To:** rmckay@sciencegod.com  
**From:** ferrumvir@theworldismine.com  
**Subject:** Re: looking forward to your visit.

I’ve missed you too, McKay. *kisses*

TS

 

* * *

 

 

 **Additional notes:** I am not a scientist, a physicist, nor an engineer, I have no idea if Thermodynamics is or isn't why Tony's suit froze in the air, I only know that from what I read it seems to fit? And that my Dad said maybe. I looked in the movie to see if it spelled it out what it was, but I missed it or it didn't. If it's incorrect, please excuse me for sacrificing accuracy for the funny. If it IS correct, then yay me! LOL.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr here under [@lovethesnark](http://lovethesnark.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Fanfiction Website  
> MOST of my fic is not on AO3, though all of my H5O and beyond is as AO3 didn't exist yet and it was too much to archive. It can be found on my website at [LoveTheSnark.com](http://www.lovethesnark.com).


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